Adoption

Effective Strategies for Adopting a Child Who Has Been Abused

Adopting and providing a home for a child who has suffered abuse or trauma can be an extremely rewarding experience, but it can also be fraught with difficulty, causing anxiety and frustration. Here are some things to understand about children who have been abused, as well as some tips for helping them adjust to a new life and build a relationship based on trust.

The Effect of Abuse

Abuse can take many forms, from physical or mental abuse to neglect or abandonment. Many children of abuse have not learned how to develop a bond or attachment with others, either because the people with whom they would have bonded are a threat to their safety, or because those persons don’t provide a consistent frame of reference for healthy attachment. As a result, a child of abuse may not know how to form a healthy attachment. Additionally, the child’s behavior may be triggered by events familiar to the child, but not familiar to you, things as simple as turning up the volume on a television or stereo (something that may have been used to mask the sound of violence in the child’s earlier life).

Because a child of abuse has not learned any other way of coping with scary events, the typical response to anything new or intimidating may be “fight or flight.” As a result, a adopted child who has been exposed to abuse may be prone to violence or to simply disappearing, physically or emotionally (or both).

Strategies for Working with a Child of Abuse

An abused child has a history of insecurity and uncertainty. Here are some ways that you can help build the trust necessary to have a healthy relationship:

• Establish and follow a routine—Consistency and stability will help break down barriers
• Help your adopted child trust you by being a good role model—Trust is a two-way street. Children learn trust by observing trust, by being trusted.
• Help your adopted child feel his or her emotions—Emotions that are not acknowledged don’t go away. If your child is angry, sad or hurt, let them express those feelings, but also let them know that they are loved.
• Don’t take it personally—Your adopted child’s behavior toward you is not just about you. It’s a product of the child’s life experience. Stay calm and positively focused.

Contact Attorney Joanne E. Kleiner

Let us help you find a workable solution to a marital property dispute. Contact our office online or call us at 215-886-1266 to schedule a confidential consultation. We will help you stay focused on the issues that matter.

The Potential Impact of a Drunk Driving Conviction on Adoption Proceedings

In 2007, a Minnesota couple spent an excruciating couple of months in limbo, with the adoption of a daughter from China help up because of a past DWI charge against the adoptive father. The mother had already traveled to China and had custody of the adopted daughter, but was stuck in China when the USCIS denied her return entry with the child, based on the father’s DUI charge. The father had completed all court-required rehabilitation and had passed a second home study.

Dealing with a DUI When You Want to Adopt

There are no laws governing eligibility to adopt when you have been charged or convicted of drinking and driving. The first hurdle you must clear is with your adoption agency. The adoption agency is charged with ensuring that the adopted child is placed in a safe and nurturing home. To make that assessment, the agency conducts what is known as a “home study,” where they evaluate your fitness as a parent, as well as your ability to provide a stable and nurturing environment. A DUI charge or conviction will likely be considered during the home study.

The best thing you can do is be up front about what happened. If the agency sees that it was a mistake, that you acknowledge the error of your ways, that you have remorse, and that you have taken steps to remediate your behavior, there’s a good chance they will determine that it was an anomaly and approve your home study.

Even though your home study is approved, you must still meet all requirements for bringing your child into the United States, if you are involved in an international adoption. The USCIS has broad powers to deny entry, as was seen in the Minnesota case. Again, your best option is to be up front about your charge or conviction. When dealing with USCIS, though, you also want to work through an attorney. The immigration laws are complex, and immigration officials have a completely different agenda than adoption agency personnel.

Contact Us

At the office of Joanne E. Kleiner & Associates, we have more than 25 years of family law experience. We’ll help you stay focused on what matters. To schedule an appointment with an experienced Pennsylvania divorce attorney, contact our office online or call us at 215-886-1266.