Joanne Kleiner & Associates

children

Sep 15, 2010

Children Are Often the Victims in a Divorce

Children, especially young children, often believe a divorce is their fault. Parents involved in a divorce can find themselves focusing only on themselves, and forget that their children may be confused, hurt and scared.

Take the time to talk to your children, reassure them that everything is fine and that regardless of any differences between you and your spouse, both of you still love them. Some additional steps you can take to ease the prospect of a divorce on children:

  1. Take the time to explain to your children that any problems you and your spouse may be having are not their fault. Sometimes, a good approach is to explain to your children that people may sometimes have differences of opinion, and in some cases those differences just cannot be worked out.
  2. Do not argue or fight in front of the children. Remember, children are not deaf, they can hear, even behind closed doors, if the volume of the conversation is high enough.
  3. Do not bad-mouth your spouse in front of your children. Remember, he or she is still their parent too, and your children love both of you.
  4. Do not make your children take sides; they may resent you for that. They will also feel that they are being disloyal to you by continuing to love their other parent, and it is confusing to them.
  5. Never use your children as messengers or “go-betweens”.
  6. Constantly reinforce that everything will be all right, especially if the children are young.
  7. Make sure you don’t ignore your children. They need to know that their routines are not being affected (to the extent that is possible). In addition, any extra attention both of you can give to your children will help alleviate any fears they may have.

For divorces involving children, we suggest considering utilizing the collaborative law process for your divorce.

Collaborative law may provide you with an acceptable alternative to stressful litigation. The collaborative law process is premised on the parties working together to resolve conflict. The collaborative process encourages the parties to work together, with their attorneys, toward a mutual agreement that everyone can live with.

The collaborative law process is typically less stressful on children, gives you more control over the terms of the divorce, and is less emotionally taxing on you.

At Joanne E. Kleiner & Associates, Ms. Kleiner is a family law attorney and divorce lawyer who brings more than 25 years experience in family law and divorce to the table, including collaborative law experience. She is uniquely qualified to help you understand your options, properly advise you and help you achieve your goals. To discuss your divorce or family law matter in confidence with an experienced lawyer, please call Ms. Kleiner at 215-886-1266, or fill out our online intake form.

Jul 14, 2010

Divorce Is Not Just About You

Divorce is an emotional and upsetting time. People going through a divorce are often filled with grief, anger, nervousness, pain and uncertainty. At times like that, it is difficult to think of others. Particularly when children are involved, however, it is vitally important to your family that you focus on the big picture when you are involved in a divorce or other family law matter.

Children will internalize their feelings and often will play off your behavior. Things you say in the heat of the moment may be permanently recorded in the minds of your children. Children may feel that they are being forced to choose between their parents, or that they are being disloyal to one parent when expressing love for the other parent. Moreover, when the dust settles, if you do have children, you will have to continue to co-parent the children for many years. In fact, the reality is that you will have to have some kind of relationship with your ex-spouse on issues regarding the children, as well as special events such as birthdays, graduations, weddings, etc.

If you can muster the strength to step back and see the big picture, your future, your family and your children, then you will be at an advantage and positioned to make excellent decisions. Remember, the decisions you make today will affect your life (and the life of your children) tomorrow. Similarly, the way you handle your conflict today will affect the relationship you have with your former spouse going forward. Your children, as well, will learn from the way you handle this situation.

During a time when emotions can get in the way of reason, it is a good idea to have someone you can trust, confide in, and will be your voice of reason during these emotional times. You need to make sure you understand the consequences of your actions, both the positive consequences and the negative consequences. If you have children, you will want to also make sure you understand the consequences to them.

Decisions about child support, child custody, visitation schedules and the distribution of property can all be related, and the decision regarding one, can affect the others. For that reason, it is highly advisable to retain an experienced attorney to assist you with understanding the legal ramifications of all your options and to advise you based on the knowledge and experience of your attorney.

At Joanne E. Kleiner & Associates, Ms. Kleiner brings more than 25 years experience of family law and divorce to the table. She is uniquely qualified to help you understand your options, properly advise you and help you achieve your goals. To discuss your divorce or family law matter in confidence with an experienced lawyer, please call Ms. Kleiner at 215-886-1266, or fill out an online intake form.

Jun 24, 2010

Collaborative Law Is Good for Divorces Involving Children

Divorce can be extremely emotional for children. The anxiety caused by watching parents fight can scar children for a long time. The litigation process is one way to resolve differences in a divorce, but the adversarial process takes its toll on everyone, especially children. It can also leave parents bitter toward each other, making it difficult to work together on issues affecting the children in the future or to attend children’s events and milestones.

A relatively new area of the law is called collaborative law, and it is built on a process of cooperation and working together toward a solution, rather than an adversarial process that pits the parties against each other. With collaborative law, family law and divorce issues (including child custody issues) are resolved by having the parties and their lawyers work to a mutually acceptable resolution. To facilitate the process, the parties and their lawyers sign an agreement stating that none of the attorneys working in the collaborative process can participate in later litigation if the collaborative process fails.

This agreement ensures that everyone has something to lose and nothing to gain in the event of failure. This way, everyone is working toward successfully resolving all issues relating to the divorce and children.

How Do Children Benefit from the Collaborative Divorce Process?

Parents and children both benefit from the collaborative law process in a divorce. A collaborative divorce includes the following benefits for children:

The children’s parents have more of a say in the final agreement — In divorce litigation, a judge determines what is in the best interests of the child or children. However, in a collaborative divorce, the parents make that determination. Because the parents typically know better than a judge what is in the best interests of their children, the children benefit from the collaborative process.

A collaborative divorce is less stressful on the children — The children see their parents working together to resolve differences rather than putting the child in the middle of a fight or making the children choose sides. This can be a valuable lesson for them when they become adults, too.

A collaborative divorce is typically less expensive than litigation — This cost-effectiveness benefits the children by ensuring the parents have more resources and funds to spend on the children and their quality of life.

A collaborative divorce is typically faster than litigation — Because of the efficiency and speed of a collaborative divorce, everyone, including the children, can move on with their lives. In addition, the speed of a collaborative divorce also means the process will be less stressful on everyone, including the children.

These are some of the benefits of utilizing the collaborative law process to facilitate a divorce. Although a collaborative divorce may not be for everyone, it is certainly an option worth exploring with your attorney, especially if you have children.

Contact an experienced family law attorney who has knowledge of and a background in collaborative divorce to ensure you receive accurate information and are in a position to make an informed decision about the best way to proceed.

At Joanne E. Kleiner & Associates, Jenkintown family law attorney and divorce lawyer Joanne Kleiner has a background in and understanding of the collaborative law process. She is also a member of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP) and the Bucks County Collaborative Law Group. She has more than 25 years of family law experience and is a certified mediator. If you are considering divorce, or if you have been served divorce papers in southeastern Pennsylvania (Montgomery, Bucks or Philadelphia Counties), Ms. Kleiner can provide you with the information and advice you need to make an informed decision about your and your children’s future.

Schedule a confidential consultation with a divorce and family law attorney who understands the collaborative divorce process and resolving issues relating to children by calling 215-886-1266. Or, fill out our intake form and we will contact you. The decisions you make today really will affect your future. Let us help you make those decisions intelligent and informed.