Law Office of Joanne Kleiner

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May 29

When a Child Refuses to See a Parent

What If the Child Doesn’t Want to See a Parent?

When parents are separated in Pennsylvania, the father will usually get about 28% of the time with the kids. However, some older children may be unhappy with this balance, and they may even want to completely cut out one of the parents from their lives. This feeling could be even more accentuated during the COVID-19 crisis when kids do not want to leave home.

A Parent Cannot Contribute to the Situation

The question is how far a parent must go in order to encourage their child to see the other parent. What’s absolutely certain is that the parent cannot encourage their child to not visit with the other parent. For example, they cannot suggest that the child stay home and not see their parent due to any COVID-19-related concerns. If that happens, it could be grounds for an alienation charge. This could even lead to a change in custody and other court sanctions against the alienating parent, such as contempt of court.

However, the parent rides a very fine line between hearing a child out and encouraging the situation. This places them in legal peril. One of the first things that a parent should do if their child voices a preference to not see the other parent is to contact a child custody lawyer for guidance. The current pandemic situation requires an even more delicate approach.

Have a Neutral Conversation

At the same time, the parent should know the reason why the child does not want to see the other parent. If it’s something that threatens the safety or well-being of the child, the parent should know what’s happening.

However, there is a narrow distinction between listening to the child’s concerns and being perceived as contributing to the situation. The parent should definitely have a conversation with the child to understand the roots of their concerns.

If the concerns do not involve the child’s well-being, the parent probably should encourage them to observe the visitation schedule and see the other parent. At the very least, it’s important to be seen as promoting a relationship with the other parent given the consequences for alienation.

What Happens If the Child Refuses to Visit?

This is where a parent ends up in a very delicate situation. Failing to make the child available for the visit at the appointed time in the custody schedule can mean contempt of court charges. On the other hand, a parent would hate to force the child into something.

In general, the parent should err on the side of making the child available for the visit. This is especially true during the COVID-19 lockdown when the court does not want to see parents acting unilaterally on their own. However, if the child absolutely refuses to see the other parent, there will need to be some documentation to keep the parent out of trouble with the court. If your child just simply will not go, you’ll need to send a timely message to the other parent. Try to take some video or recordings of the child’s refusal so that there is some documentation. You should also notify your attorney as soon as possible for guidance on how to handle the situation.

Will the Court Order the Child to Visit?

A family court judge will certainly want to know the reason why the child does not want to visit with the other parent. The judge may even bring the child into his or her chambers for a conversation without either of the parents present to get to the bottom of the situation.

The court is more likely to order a change in the visitation agreement in accordance with the child’s wishes if the child is a teenager. At that age, a minor has some more say over the situation. If the child is younger, the court may not decree a change in the arrangements absent some compelling reason to do so.

Your legal path may be fraught with danger if you are in this position, so you need to act very carefully. This may even be more accentuated right now by the fact that COVID-19 has largely closed family courts.

If you are having issues with your custody agreement, contact a child custody lawyer at the Law Office of Joanne Kleiner in Jenkintown, PA. Call us at (215) 886-1266 to schedule your consultation.

Jul 14, 2010

Divorce Is Not Just About You

Divorce is an emotional and upsetting time. People going through a divorce are often filled with grief, anger, nervousness, pain and uncertainty. At times like that, it is difficult to think of others. Particularly when children are involved, however, it is vitally important to your family that you focus on the big picture when you are involved in a divorce or other family law matter.

Children will internalize their feelings and often will play off your behavior. Things you say in the heat of the moment may be permanently recorded in the minds of your children. Children may feel that they are being forced to choose between their parents, or that they are being disloyal to one parent when expressing love for the other parent. Moreover, when the dust settles, if you do have children, you will have to continue to co-parent the children for many years. In fact, the reality is that you will have to have some kind of relationship with your ex-spouse on issues regarding the children, as well as special events such as birthdays, graduations, weddings, etc.

If you can muster the strength to step back and see the big picture, your future, your family and your children, then you will be at an advantage and positioned to make excellent decisions. Remember, the decisions you make today will affect your life (and the life of your children) tomorrow. Similarly, the way you handle your conflict today will affect the relationship you have with your former spouse going forward. Your children, as well, will learn from the way you handle this situation.

During a time when emotions can get in the way of reason, it is a good idea to have someone you can trust, confide in, and will be your voice of reason during these emotional times. You need to make sure you understand the consequences of your actions, both the positive consequences and the negative consequences. If you have children, you will want to also make sure you understand the consequences to them.

Decisions about child support, child custody, visitation schedules and the distribution of property can all be related, and the decision regarding one, can affect the others. For that reason, it is highly advisable to retain an experienced attorney to assist you with understanding the legal ramifications of all your options and to advise you based on the knowledge and experience of your attorney.

At Joanne E. Kleiner & Associates, Ms. Kleiner brings more than 25 years experience of family law and divorce to the table. She is uniquely qualified to help you understand your options, properly advise you and help you achieve your goals. To discuss your divorce or family law matter in confidence with an experienced lawyer, please call Ms. Kleiner at 215-886-1266, or fill out an online intake form.