Law Office of Joanne Kleiner

best interests of the child

Jul 05

How Can I Have a Child-Centered Divorce?

What Is a Child-centered Divorce?

About 72% of divorces take place within 14 years of marriage, which means that many young children experience the life-changing stress of living through this process. The long, drawn-out process of divorce can have life-altering effects on a child’s mental and physical health, and it puts their own future marriages at a higher risk of divorce. One way parents can mitigate these effects on their children is to work with a divorce lawyer who offers child-centered divorce services.

Set Your Priorities

When you or your spouse file for a divorce, you’ll have to consider what’s the most important part of the process. Many people focus on who gets the house or who keeps the family dog. In many cases, the children aren’t the first, second or even third priority. A child-centered divorce coordinated by a divorce lawyer ensures that the child or children are prioritized over everything else.

Agree on One Thing

You and your soon-to-be ex-spouse might disagree on almost everything. After all, that’s why you’re getting divorced. However, it’s important to agree on at least one item: Your children are the most important part of your lives. You both love your children more than anyone else in the world, and you want what is best for them no matter what. Once you can agree to this, you can move forward with a child-centered divorce.

What a Child-Centered Divorce Does

A child-centered divorce protects your children from emotional trauma. It also reduces their risk of developing a mental health disorder as a result of living through your divorce. Focusing on your child’s emotional needs could lower their risk of developing anxiety, depression or post-traumatic stress disorder. While a child-centered divorce won’t spare feelings of sadness or anger, it can mitigate them and make them easier for you and your child to manage.

Stay Out of Court

The first step in a child-centered divorce is staying out of the courtroom as much as possible. Going to court is costly, time-consuming and anxiety-provoking. The more time you spend in court, the more conflict your children witness. Working with a divorce mediator or with an attorney who has experience in the collaborative divorce process will help you minimize the amount of time you have to be in court.

Focus on the Future

Think ahead to five years from now. How would you want your child to view the experience of having their parents divorce? If you carry the burden of the divorce-related stress and help your child feel safe and loved, they may look at the experience as a way mature adults handle disagreements and how people can move forward with their lives in peace and with mutual respect.

Build Your Relationship With Your Child

Even though your marriage fell apart, your relationship with your child doesn’t have to follow the same path. Regularly ask your child how they feel. Spend time doing something fun with your child. If you’ve always enjoyed cooking together, playing at the playground or going to the beach, keep up those important traditions. You’ll be making positive memories that outshine the stressors of divorce. Maintaining rapport and trust with your child will solidify a lifelong positive relationship.

Be Patient

Recovery after a divorce could take a year or two for you and your child. Be patient with your child’s feelings and how they express them. Cut your child some slack on occasion. Some children may be more needy during and after their parents’ divorce while others might act out in order to get more attention. It’s okay to ask your child about their actions, but do it from a place of curiosity rather than one of frustration or anger.

Pennsylvania parents who are interested in a child-centered divorce may benefit from scheduling a consultation with an experienced family lawyer. Contact the Law Office of Joanne Kleiner at (215) 886-1266, or fill out our contact form to request an appointment at our Jenkintown office.

Dec 06

Is it Possible to Involve a Child Psychologist in a Mediation Session?

Can Child Psychologists Be Involved in Mediation?

Divorce is never easy, and it’s even harder when children are involved. However, this difficult process is made easier when you understand what’s permitted and what isn’t in a mediation. If you’re considering involving a child therapist or psychologist in a mediation, it’s helpful to know exactly what the process will look like and how these types of professionals can work to your advantage.

If you’re feeling unsure about how to approach finding the right mediator, it might help to focus on what the purpose of mediation is. The mediator’s main job is to assist both parties in making critical choices about their custodial situation with their children moving forward.

Mental health professionals are particularly well-suited to identify the needs of both parents and children. They will help bridge any communication breakdowns and get everyone to work together towards a common goal.

Benefits of Involving a Mental Health Professional

There are numerous benefits to going the mediation route as opposed to other divorce options, and when a mental health professional is involved, you’re ensuring that you get the most out of it. It’s a great way of ensuring your children are taken care of. In cases of domestic violence and child abuse, it’s best to have someone who is professionally trained in those types of issues.

Mediation is a great choice when parents don’t want to lay blame on one another and those who aren’t seeking revenge. If you simply want to move on with life and do what’s best for everyone involved, mediation is probably right for you.

Someone Who Is Unbiased

Working with a psychologist provides you with a neutral party. Everyone is put in a safe environment so they’ll be more open for discussion. It’s practically a given that some level of disagreement will occur, but it’s how these disagreements are approached and handled that makes the biggest difference. A mental health professional with firsthand experience and knowledge of the people involved truly helps to smooth things over.

Therapists are great at focusing and directing the conversation between you and your divorce lawyer, helping everyone to get through strong feelings. Both parents are almost definitely going to be in highly vulnerable states, to say nothing of the children, so having a professional who is experienced in handling these types of situations is a huge asset.

Professional Discussion

Sometimes, depending on the situation, when a psychologist or therapist deems it to be in your best interest, they will obtain your consent to discuss you and your children with other professionals. But it’s important to remember that a psychologist can only take this action with your written consent, so you don’t have to worry about your private information being shared against your wishes.

Divide and Conquer

With heightened emotions, it might be in the best interests of both parties to meet with the mediator separately. A psychologist will know when this is the best course of action to take, and they’ll carry it out in such a way that ensures no one feels singled out.

Simply removing one party from the discussion may help children be more comfortable, allowing certain critical information to come out. Once the mediator is working with a complete picture of the situation, the issue can be brought to resolution as efficiently and painlessly as possible.

Not a Substitute for Therapy

Parents should remember that going through mediation is not the same thing as receiving psychotherapy. This is still the case when your mediator is licensed in psychotherapy. There are significant benefits to having a child psychotherapist involved in the mediation process when there are complex issues related to the custody of your children, but it’s important to distinguish it from an actual therapy session.

Call 215-886-1266 for a divorce lawyer you can count on. When you need help with your family law matter, the Law Office of Joanne Kleiner is here to help. Visit us online and chat with a real person at no obligation to receive immediate advice and find out if involving a child psychologist in your mediation is the right move for you.

Jul 14

Why Joint Custody Is Important

What to Know About the Benefits of Joint Custody

A recent study in Wisconsin found that the percentage of parents who share custody rose from 5% in the 1980s to 27% in 2008. Changing views regarding gender roles is one key reason why it has become more common for parents to share custody of their children after a divorce. Let’s take a look at some key benefits that parents and children derive from a shared custody arrangement.

Children Get Both Parents in Their Lives

When crafting a custody order after a divorce, the best interests of the child are the top priority. As having two parents is generally in a child’s best interest, judges are loath to not grant custody to both parents whenever possible. It is important to note that couples may split legal custody without sharing physical custody.

Legal custody allows a parent to make decisions for a child while physical custody means that a child lives with the parent. However, parents who don’t have physical custody will likely be granted the right to have their children visit during the day or stay overnight. Even if they don’t get along with each other, it is still possible for each parent to have a good relationship with his or her child.

Joint Custody Creates Better Parents

Obtaining custody rights gives a parent the autonomy and freedom to create boundaries tailored to his or her child’s needs. However, it also provides a parent with the responsibility to enforce those boundaries. This is necessary to maintain a healthy family life.

When parents live together, it may be tempting for one person to simply delegate some or all child care tasks to the other individual. However, when there is only one parent available to provide such care, he or she has to read that bedtime story or figure out a way to stop the baby from crying.

As most parents learn through experience, having to take an active role in a child’s life will help them in the long run. Getting to know their children on a deeper level may make it easier for parents to anticipate their needs. This could help prevent issues like drug use, skipping school or taking part in other harmful activities.

Children Have Stronger Relationships With Their Parents

Parents who share custody of their children must learn to work as a team. Since they both have rights to the child, one person cannot take steps in an effort to cut out his or her ex. Fortunately, many parents actually find that that they work together better without the stress of their own strained relationship weighing them down.

Therefore, the focus is typically truly on the child and his or her development into a functional adult. Even if the parents still don’t get along after their divorce is finalized, they generally have enough respect for each other to not interfere with the relationship that each person has with the child. When children don’t have to worry about drama involving their parents, they tend to feel more comfortable talking about their feelings.

It May Cost Less to Simply Share Custody

Assuming that both parents are fit to have relationships with their children, opting for joint custody may help everyone save time and money. This is because there will be no need to go to court or spend an exorbitant amount on legal fees. However, it may be a good idea to have a child custody attorney review a parenting plan or any other agreement before it becomes binding. A lawyer might also be present during mediation sessions to help resolve issues before or after the divorce.

If you need a child custody attorney to help with a dispute with your child’s other parent, the Law Office of Joanne Kleiner can help. You can call our Jenkintown, PA, office at (215) 886-1266 to schedule a consultation. We’re prepared to answer your questions. You can also get in touch with us by sending a fax to (215) 886-2670.