Law Office of Joanne Kleiner

family court

Apr 04

How to Handle Your Spouse’s Refusal of Divorce Mediation

Motivating Your Spouse to Agree to Divorce Mediation

Many divorce lawyers advise divorce mediation over the alternatives. Mediation results in an agreement in as many as 80% of all U.S. divorces that go through the process. Mediated divorces are finalized in three to six months on average compared to the two-year average span for litigated divorces, which can cost up to 10 times as much overall.

Identify the Reasons for the Refusal

It can be difficult, but strive to see the refusal through the eyes of your spouse. The most common reason a person refuses mediation is because they do not want to get divorced. If this is your situation, then you may not be ready for mediation and should seek marriage counseling instead.

Recognize That an Angry Spouse May Be a Deal-Breaker

If your spouse is hurt, there may be nothing you can do to change their mind. You can hope that counseling will work, but if you are beyond that point, you may have to shift focus. Also, many divorce lawyers agree that situations involving domestic violence cannot be mediated.

Manage Your Stress and Be Patient

If you move forward with counseling, it is advisable that together you choose someone who is a pro-marriage therapist who will advocate for your marriage. You should also approach this process with an open mind. It is also important that you manage your stress, and be patient. Your spouse likely will come to the table eventually, and it will still be on a shorter timetable than a litigated divorce would require.

Educate Your Spouse on Divorce Mediation

Many people do not know what mediation is. It may be human nature to see divorce as winning and losing. Truth is, there are no winners in a divorce, and mediation concerns mitigating the losses.

The Initial Process

In Pennsylvania, estranged couples can make the initial choice to go through mediation before any divorce paperwork is filed with the court. However, in the converse situation, judges will in many cases order that mediation take place, especially if there are child custody issues involved.

Offer to Pay for the First Mediation Session

You may be able to use that fact to motivate your spouse to go voluntarily. You may also want to offer to pay for the first session. A single mediation session is relatively inexpensive, and it allows your spouse the experience without any sense that they may be taken advantage of.

Recommend Your Spouse Retain an Attorney

Just because you decided to pursue mediation or if it has been ordered by the court does not mean that either of you have to go it alone. You are each entitled to have the assistance of separate family law attorneys to represent your respective interests and, if an agreement is reached, review its terms before it is signed and presented to the court.

Continue the Decoupling Process

Unless counseling has led to a change of heart for you, in which case this is all moot, it is important that you continue the process of decoupling yourself from the marriage. This process, which should be gentle and purposeful, is important on two fronts. It is important for your mental health and preparation for single life, and you may even want to attend individual counseling as this process unfolds. It is also important for your spouse so that they acclimate to the fact the marriage is coming to an end.

Mediate a Successful Divorce

If you are ready to move on from your Pennsylvania marriage but want to do so without bitterness and acrimony, divorce mediation is an excellent way to achieve that. At the Law Office of Joanne E. Kleiner, we have more than 25 years of experience helping couples mediate their divorces and would welcome the opportunity to assist you. Call our office in Jenkintown at 215-886-1266 or contact us online to schedule a consultation with an experienced divorce attorney.

May 29

When a Child Refuses to See a Parent

What If the Child Doesn’t Want to See a Parent?

When parents are separated in Pennsylvania, the father will usually get about 28% of the time with the kids. However, some older children may be unhappy with this balance, and they may even want to completely cut out one of the parents from their lives. This feeling could be even more accentuated during the COVID-19 crisis when kids do not want to leave home.

A Parent Cannot Contribute to the Situation

The question is how far a parent must go in order to encourage their child to see the other parent. What’s absolutely certain is that the parent cannot encourage their child to not visit with the other parent. For example, they cannot suggest that the child stay home and not see their parent due to any COVID-19-related concerns. If that happens, it could be grounds for an alienation charge. This could even lead to a change in custody and other court sanctions against the alienating parent, such as contempt of court.

However, the parent rides a very fine line between hearing a child out and encouraging the situation. This places them in legal peril. One of the first things that a parent should do if their child voices a preference to not see the other parent is to contact a child custody lawyer for guidance. The current pandemic situation requires an even more delicate approach.

Have a Neutral Conversation

At the same time, the parent should know the reason why the child does not want to see the other parent. If it’s something that threatens the safety or well-being of the child, the parent should know what’s happening.

However, there is a narrow distinction between listening to the child’s concerns and being perceived as contributing to the situation. The parent should definitely have a conversation with the child to understand the roots of their concerns.

If the concerns do not involve the child’s well-being, the parent probably should encourage them to observe the visitation schedule and see the other parent. At the very least, it’s important to be seen as promoting a relationship with the other parent given the consequences for alienation.

What Happens If the Child Refuses to Visit?

This is where a parent ends up in a very delicate situation. Failing to make the child available for the visit at the appointed time in the custody schedule can mean contempt of court charges. On the other hand, a parent would hate to force the child into something.

In general, the parent should err on the side of making the child available for the visit. This is especially true during the COVID-19 lockdown when the court does not want to see parents acting unilaterally on their own. However, if the child absolutely refuses to see the other parent, there will need to be some documentation to keep the parent out of trouble with the court. If your child just simply will not go, you’ll need to send a timely message to the other parent. Try to take some video or recordings of the child’s refusal so that there is some documentation. You should also notify your attorney as soon as possible for guidance on how to handle the situation.

Will the Court Order the Child to Visit?

A family court judge will certainly want to know the reason why the child does not want to visit with the other parent. The judge may even bring the child into his or her chambers for a conversation without either of the parents present to get to the bottom of the situation.

The court is more likely to order a change in the visitation agreement in accordance with the child’s wishes if the child is a teenager. At that age, a minor has some more say over the situation. If the child is younger, the court may not decree a change in the arrangements absent some compelling reason to do so.

Your legal path may be fraught with danger if you are in this position, so you need to act very carefully. This may even be more accentuated right now by the fact that COVID-19 has largely closed family courts.

If you are having issues with your custody agreement, contact a child custody lawyer at the Law Office of Joanne Kleiner in Jenkintown, PA. Call us at (215) 886-1266 to schedule your consultation.