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how to manage your emotions through a divorce

Oct 22

How to Negotiate a Divorce Settlement With Your Spouse

Tips for Negotiating Your Own Divorce Settlement

A pro se divorce is a divorce in which one or both spouses represent themselves. Divorce lawyers generally recommend a collaborative divorce as an alternative, but if you do represent yourself, there are certain strategies you can employ to help ensure a successful divorce settlement.

Research Your Legal Rights and Responsibilities

You and your spouse have certain legal responsibilities that cannot be negotiated away. An attempt to do so will result in refusal of the proposed divorce settlement agreement by the judge. It is also essential that you understand your legal rights because it is possible for you to negotiate them away.

Check Your Emotions

No matter how amicable, a divorce will be an emotional affair. A potential benefit to retaining the services of a divorcee lawyer is that it helps to eliminate the excess emotions. However, emotions are not necessarily bad. They are only problematic when you let them get in the way. Think positive. Get ample rest. Exercise and eat well, and if you ever feel overwhelmed, take a break from the negotiation in order to reboot.

Set Mutual Ground Rules

Negotiation should start with agreeing on ground rules. Determine when, where and how you will negotiate. Agree on a neutral site. Establish a timeline and a deadline.

Be Flexible

In order for a divorce to be amicable, it is important to be flexible and to work to ensure that any agreement benefits both you and your spouse. Keep an open mind. Brainstorm alternatives when there seems there are none, and be willing to concede at times. You both will have to.

Negotiate Based on Interests

A common mistake when negotiating a divorce with a spouse is bargaining from a position rather than what your interests are. If you focus on what is important to you rather than what you have a right to, you may relinquish your position at times, but you will likely gain more ground and at a faster pace.

Identify Needs and Wants for Both Spouses

Not only is it useful to negotiate based on your interests but the interests of your spouse. Wants are important, but needs are integral. If your spouse has a need and you seek to negotiate a settlement that does not meet that need, you likely will not be successful, and you will at the very least fail your spouse.

Know Your Finances

Another common mistake is not having a full appreciation of your finances, and it is not uncommon in marriages for one spouse to have much greater awareness of the money situation than the other. This lack of knowledge puts you at a disadvantage and could lead to a wide range of bad decisions.

Recognize Your Best and Worst Alternatives

BATNA and WATNA are negotiating concepts that apply to divorce settlements, and they are acronyms for best and worst alternative to a negotiated agreement. What if the negotiation fails? What are the worst things that could happen? The answer to that question is often enough motivation to help reach a compromise.

Determine Your Bottom Line

Determine the aspects of any agreement that you simply cannot live without. Explain those to your spouse and have him or her do the same. Make sure that your bottom line is realistic, and be willing to walk away if your spouse is not willing to reach a bottom line that is fair and practical.

Always Have a Plan

Have a plan in place even before you agree on the ground rules. Be open to the idea that your plan will change. Determine your bottom line, but try to recognize your spouse’s bottom line and all the areas in which you can be flexible. Also, consider contingencies for those times when things do not go as expected.

Protect Your Interests and Legal Rights

If you are considering divorce or if your spouse has already filed, the Law Office of Joanne E. Kleiner is here to help. Schedule a consultation with a divorce lawyer through which we can assist you in determining the best path for you and your family. To do so, you can contact us online, or call our Jenkintown office at 215-886-1266.

Jul 26

Tips on Managing Emotions During a Divorce

How to Manage Your Emotions Through a Divorce

In 2017, there were 32,777 divorces or annulments in Pennsylvania, which is a 171% increase since 1950. Marriages, on the other hand, have been on the decline with an 18.25% decrease since 1950. You must learn how to manage your emotions through a divorce to ease the process and allow yourself to heal faster once the legal process is complete.

Write in a Journal Every Day

Journaling doesn’t get as much credit as it deserves; it’s an effective way of managing your emotions. Many people who try journaling are pleasantly surprised at the positive impact it has on their mental health and their lives. Writing how you feel lets you get the emotion out in a healthy way. Journaling prevents you from suppressing the emotions as well. Suppressing emotions is damaging because they stay in your subconscious where they will negatively affect you, often without your awareness. These hidden emotions can lead to self-sabotage.

See a Therapist

If you try these tips and find that you’re still struggling to handle your emotions, then you’ll need the help of a therapist. Don’t feel embarrassed or reluctant about seeing a therapist. Counseling doesn’t mean that you have a mental disorder. People can see a therapist whenever they need extra guidance in overcoming life’s hardships.

Celebrities and athletes receive therapy for various reasons whether it’s overcoming childhood trauma or working toward reaching the next level of success. Examples of techniques that may be used to help you without medication are cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and motivational interviewing.

Stay Focused on the Legal Process

Resist the urge to get revenge on your spouse, and focus on the legal process instead. Some people find it helpful to count down the days until the divorce is finalized or until they can move out into their own place. Keep all important documents and information organized to minimize your stress and to ensure you get the best deal possible. You don’t want to forget to iron out a detail because you were too caught up in your emotions. Lawyers can help you stay focused on the legal process.

The Law Office of Joanne Kleiner has a Jenkintown divorce lawyer you can consult with to learn what you need to know about divorce in Pennsylvania. Divorce law differs from state to state, so it’s a good idea to communicate with a Pennsylvania divorce attorney.

Learn How to Respond Instead of React

Wait until you’ve calmed down before talking to your spouse. This helps you avoid yelling or talking rudely. You’ll minimize how many fights you have by no longer allowing yourself to react in the moment when you feel angry. Learn how to deal with your anger in a healthy way. You don’t want to lash out at others, but you don’t want to suppress your emotions either.

Ideas for dealing with your anger include:

  • Kickboxing classes
  • Walking or running
  • Weight training
  • Going to the park to enjoy the greenery
  • Drawing, painting, or any other artistic activity
  • Writing poetry
  • Writing about how you feel
  • Deep breathing exercises
  • Getting a massage
  • Meditating
  • Reframing
  • Developing a positive mindset

Have the Mindset of a Victor Instead of a Victim

Some people hold themselves back by getting stuck in a victim mindset. Yes, you were wronged, and you were treated unfairly. You can acknowledge that and allow yourself to feel your emotions. The key is to not dwell too long on those feelings because they harm your quality of life. Some people find themselves struggling to have a good relationship after the divorce because they didn’t let go of these emotions.

Another problem with the victim mindset is it gives away your power. When you choose to make yourself the victor, you reclaim and protect your power. You also open your mind to new possibilities in overcoming the problems that you’re experiencing when you adopt a mindset of being in control of your life.

Experiment with these tips on managing emotions during a divorce to find what works for you. A combination of techniques is best for managing your emotions. Each person is different, so maybe painting doesn’t work for you but kickboxing does. Trying new things is fun and helps to get your mind off of the divorce while relieving your stress.

Contact the Law Office of Joanne Kleiner today at (215) 886-1266 for a free confidential consultation with a Jenkintown divorce lawyer.

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