mediation

Apr 04

How to Handle Your Spouse’s Refusal of Divorce Mediation

Motivating Your Spouse to Agree to Divorce Mediation

Many divorce lawyers advise divorce mediation over the alternatives. Mediation results in an agreement in as many as 80% of all U.S. divorces that go through the process. Mediated divorces are finalized in three to six months on average compared to the two-year average span for litigated divorces, which can cost up to 10 times as much overall.

Identify the Reasons for the Refusal

It can be difficult, but strive to see the refusal through the eyes of your spouse. The most common reason a person refuses mediation is because they do not want to get divorced. If this is your situation, then you may not be ready for mediation and should seek marriage counseling instead.

Recognize That an Angry Spouse May Be a Deal-Breaker

If your spouse is hurt, there may be nothing you can do to change their mind. You can hope that counseling will work, but if you are beyond that point, you may have to shift focus. Also, many divorce lawyers agree that situations involving domestic violence cannot be mediated.

Manage Your Stress and Be Patient

If you move forward with counseling, it is advisable that together you choose someone who is a pro-marriage therapist who will advocate for your marriage. You should also approach this process with an open mind. It is also important that you manage your stress, and be patient. Your spouse likely will come to the table eventually, and it will still be on a shorter timetable than a litigated divorce would require.

Educate Your Spouse on Divorce Mediation

Many people do not know what mediation is. It may be human nature to see divorce as winning and losing. Truth is, there are no winners in a divorce, and mediation concerns mitigating the losses.

The Initial Process

In Pennsylvania, estranged couples can make the initial choice to go through mediation before any divorce paperwork is filed with the court. However, in the converse situation, judges will in many cases order that mediation take place, especially if there are child custody issues involved.

Offer to Pay for the First Mediation Session

You may be able to use that fact to motivate your spouse to go voluntarily. You may also want to offer to pay for the first session. A single mediation session is relatively inexpensive, and it allows your spouse the experience without any sense that they may be taken advantage of.

Recommend Your Spouse Retain an Attorney

Just because you decided to pursue mediation or if it has been ordered by the court does not mean that either of you have to go it alone. You are each entitled to have the assistance of separate family law attorneys to represent your respective interests and, if an agreement is reached, review its terms before it is signed and presented to the court.

Continue the Decoupling Process

Unless counseling has led to a change of heart for you, in which case this is all moot, it is important that you continue the process of decoupling yourself from the marriage. This process, which should be gentle and purposeful, is important on two fronts. It is important for your mental health and preparation for single life, and you may even want to attend individual counseling as this process unfolds. It is also important for your spouse so that they acclimate to the fact the marriage is coming to an end.

Mediate a Successful Divorce

If you are ready to move on from your Pennsylvania marriage but want to do so without bitterness and acrimony, divorce mediation is an excellent way to achieve that. At the Law Office of Joanne E. Kleiner, we have more than 25 years of experience helping couples mediate their divorces and would welcome the opportunity to assist you. Call our office in Jenkintown at 215-886-1266 or contact us online to schedule a consultation with an experienced divorce attorney.

Jan 03

Is Your Mediation Agreement Legally Binding?

Are You Legally Required to Abide by Mediation Decisions?

More and more divorcing couples are choosing to get mediation instead of arguing in court. If you have tried or are considering trying mediation, it’s helpful to know just how legally binding the process is. Here is what you need to know about whether or not divorce mediation is legally binding.

Are You Legally Required to Get Mediation?

In most cases, mediation is entirely optional. People usually decide to get it when they want to divorce and keep things as amicable as possible. However, usually, you have the right to forego mediation if you don’t think it will work for your situation.

There are a few exceptions to this rule though. The court can order a couple to enter mediation if they think that would benefit the family. This is a special type of mediation called court-ordered mediation. If you have court-ordered mediation, you are legally bound to show up for your mediation sessions. You don’t necessarily have to be talkative during the session, but if you skip it, you could be found in contempt of the court.

Another reason you might be legally bound to go through the mediation process is if you signed a prenup saying you would. Many prenuptial agreements include a clause that says you have to go into mediation if you want to end the marriage. Skipping mediation at this point could result in civil lawsuits or other penalties.

Do You Have to Follow the Mediator’s Recommendations?

During your mediation session, the mediator will hear both sides of the story. You and your ex can get a mediation lawyer to present your case and explain the solution you want. After hearing all the facts, your mediator might make suggestions for how you should proceed.

Keep in mind that the mediator is not a judge. What they say is not a final ruling that you are legally bound to follow. Instead, the mediator is just there to guide the discussion in a proactive manner. Whether or not you choose to follow any suggestions from the mediator is up to you.

Which Mediation Documents Are Actually Legally Binding?

The process of just talking with a mediator is not legally binding. However, usually, the whole point of mediation is for you and your ex to create a legal document that you both agree on. Depending on your circumstances, your mediation attorney might prepare documents like child custody arrangements, asset transfer agreements, or child support schedules.

Unless your mediation is court-ordered, you have the option of walking away without signing any documents. It’s very important to only sign legal agreements in mediation if you agree with them. Once you sign them, they are just as legally binding as any child custody or asset division settlement your divorce lawyer helps you get in court.

What Should You Do If You’re Not Happy With Your Mediation Outcome?

You cannot just shrug and quit paying your child custody because you sorted it out in mediation instead of in court. However, that doesn’t mean you are stuck with your mediation agreement forever. Just like any other legal agreement, you might have options to contest or appeal the decision.

In some cases, you can argue that the mediation contract is not valid due to irregularities such as being signed under duress. Mediation usually isn’t recommended for couples dealing with domestic violence, because one can intimidate the other into signing something unfair. Another option for changing your agreement is petitioning the court for an adjustment. Since some agreements, like child support, are ongoing, you can alter them when circumstances drastically change. This means that things like getting a new job or moving may let you make some changes to your mediation agreement.

If you’re considering mediation, the Law Office of Joanne Kleiner is here to help. We are happy to offer mediation and explain how it works. And if you’re unsatisfied with a previously mediated agreement, our divorce lawyer team can help you explore your options further. Call our Jenkintown office at 215-886-1266 or fill out our online contact form to learn more.

Dec 06

Is it Possible to Involve a Child Psychologist in a Mediation Session?

Can Child Psychologists Be Involved in Mediation?

Divorce is never easy, and it’s even harder when children are involved. However, this difficult process is made easier when you understand what’s permitted and what isn’t in a mediation. If you’re considering involving a child therapist or psychologist in a mediation, it’s helpful to know exactly what the process will look like and how these types of professionals can work to your advantage.

If you’re feeling unsure about how to approach finding the right mediator, it might help to focus on what the purpose of mediation is. The mediator’s main job is to assist both parties in making critical choices about their custodial situation with their children moving forward.

Mental health professionals are particularly well-suited to identify the needs of both parents and children. They will help bridge any communication breakdowns and get everyone to work together towards a common goal.

Benefits of Involving a Mental Health Professional

There are numerous benefits to going the mediation route as opposed to other divorce options, and when a mental health professional is involved, you’re ensuring that you get the most out of it. It’s a great way of ensuring your children are taken care of. In cases of domestic violence and child abuse, it’s best to have someone who is professionally trained in those types of issues.

Mediation is a great choice when parents don’t want to lay blame on one another and those who aren’t seeking revenge. If you simply want to move on with life and do what’s best for everyone involved, mediation is probably right for you.

Someone Who Is Unbiased

Working with a psychologist provides you with a neutral party. Everyone is put in a safe environment so they’ll be more open for discussion. It’s practically a given that some level of disagreement will occur, but it’s how these disagreements are approached and handled that makes the biggest difference. A mental health professional with firsthand experience and knowledge of the people involved truly helps to smooth things over.

Therapists are great at focusing and directing the conversation between you and your divorce lawyer, helping everyone to get through strong feelings. Both parents are almost definitely going to be in highly vulnerable states, to say nothing of the children, so having a professional who is experienced in handling these types of situations is a huge asset.

Professional Discussion

Sometimes, depending on the situation, when a psychologist or therapist deems it to be in your best interest, they will obtain your consent to discuss you and your children with other professionals. But it’s important to remember that a psychologist can only take this action with your written consent, so you don’t have to worry about your private information being shared against your wishes.

Divide and Conquer

With heightened emotions, it might be in the best interests of both parties to meet with the mediator separately. A psychologist will know when this is the best course of action to take, and they’ll carry it out in such a way that ensures no one feels singled out.

Simply removing one party from the discussion may help children be more comfortable, allowing certain critical information to come out. Once the mediator is working with a complete picture of the situation, the issue can be brought to resolution as efficiently and painlessly as possible.

Not a Substitute for Therapy

Parents should remember that going through mediation is not the same thing as receiving psychotherapy. This is still the case when your mediator is licensed in psychotherapy. There are significant benefits to having a child psychotherapist involved in the mediation process when there are complex issues related to the custody of your children, but it’s important to distinguish it from an actual therapy session.

Call 215-886-1266 for a divorce lawyer you can count on. When you need help with your family law matter, the Law Office of Joanne Kleiner is here to help. Visit us online and chat with a real person at no obligation to receive immediate advice and find out if involving a child psychologist in your mediation is the right move for you.

May 01

Lockdowns Have Contributed to More Domestic Violence

After COVID-19, You May Need a Divorce Lawyer

With the advent of lockdowns around the world, countries such as South Africa and France have seen a surge in calls to violence prevention help lines; France had an increase of 30% the first week of its coronavirus quarantine. Domestic violence in the home, often considered a safe place, has increased during this pandemic, according to the UN. Those who have experienced these issues before are now seeing more violence as proximity in quarantine with abusers is the result.

Increased Anxiety and Stressors

Loss of jobs, stay-at-home orders, having to practice social or physical distancing, the threat of being sick, and depressing, scary news all contribute to a general feeling of anxiety that has increased during the coronavirus pandemic. A husband or wife who was somewhat abusive before may now become increasingly violent or mentally abusive as frustration deepens. An abuser may withhold medicine, give the wrong information regarding the pandemic, get angry when help with the household is suggested, and be violent. Often, abuse takes the form of emotional and physical torment.

Staying Safe During COVID-19 Within Your Own Home

You may need to reach out to a help line or begin to think of distancing yourself from your abuser. This means leaving your home for a place that is safe from domestic violence. The next step would be talking to a lawyer who can help with divorce and separation, or, in cases without violence, mediation.

Keeping Your Family Safe During and After the Pandemic

You want your children to be safe from all kinds of abuse as well as the virus. If you are thinking of leaving an abusive situation, it is important to do the following:

Tell your kids the truth.
Say “I love you” to them.
Prepare them for a change of address.
Avoid blame.

Keep explanations simple. Acknowledge their feelings and let them be honest with you. Kids need to know that it is not their fault; however, if they have been in a stay-at-home situation, they may already know why you are thinking of a divorce. Having seen physical or psychological abuse close up, your children may not need explanations.

Separation and Divorce

With every household situation being different, you may need a customized solution that is geared toward important issues. You don’t need more squabbles when you’re trying to resolve your family problems in stressful times.

In some cases, separation agreements may be the first step in distancing you and your family from a chaotic home or one where a spouse is making life difficult. To add to the problem, being cooped up with an unhappy person adds to the chaos and disruption. It increases the stress that everyone is feeling during the pandemic. A new layer of stress has been added as people are now in quarantine together whether they like it or not.

As witnessed in China, the divorce rate reportedly spiked across two provinces as quarantine restrictions were lifted. Relationships were very affected by the pandemic in that country. According to Time magazine, the number of domestic violence cases in China reported to the local police tripled in February of 2020 compared to February of 2019.

If your partner is physically abusive and you have injuries, you should not let the fear of this virus prevent you from seeking medical attention. Fear should not also be allowed to prevent you from separating yourself from an abusive partner during the pandemic. You may now be at the stage, even if abuse is not part of your situation, where you are contemplating divorce. Know that you are not alone in this. Caring help is just a phone call or text away whether to a domestic violence hotline or to our office.

If you have experienced domestic violence problems or are thinking of contacting a Pennsylvania divorce lawyer, give the Law Office of Joanne Kleiner a call at (215) 886-1266 today to arrange a confidential appointment in Jenkintown. We can help you go over your options and move forward with your life.

Oct 15

How to Get a Divorce Quickly

Ways to Quickly Finalize a Divorce

Getting a divorce can be an emotionally trying time for both parties involved as the marriage comes to an end. The risk of divorce is between 42-45%, which means almost half of all married couples have to endure the process. If you want to move on with your life and get a divorce quickly, there are a few critical steps to take.

Put Everything in Writing

All agreements need to be put into writing to ensure that no one changes his or her mind or goes back on his or her word whether it involves dividing assets or child custody. Creating a written agreement can prevent delays and complications even if you’re getting along with one another. It’s also necessary to collect specific documents to finalize the divorce. You’ll need to obtain your children’s birth certificates, your marriage certificate, the prenup agreement if there is one, your mortgage papers, portfolios and joint bank accounts. By staying organized, you can save extra time and avoid additional conflict.

Consider a Collaborative Law Divorce

Collaborative law divorce is one of the types of divorces available and can allow you to reach agreements outside of court. Not only could it make the process smoother and quicker, but it could also save you money. Similar to mediation, it involves a third party and includes negotiations to finalize the divorce. You won’t have to worry about the decisions that are made being imposed by the court. It can take place in an informal setting and include an honest exchange of information. Each person will need to hire his or her own attorney. Communicate to the legal representative what you want, but keep in mind that you’ll still need to compromise and remain flexible during the negotiation process. A licensed mediator may also need to be used if it becomes difficult to reach agreements. The process of a collaborative law divorce also includes meeting with other professionals, like child therapists and financial advisors, to receive additional information for your situation.

Remain Honest

Many people are prone to bending the truth while getting a divorce as a way to protect themselves. Unfortunately, a lack of transparency can be detrimental to your case if you fail to remain honest with your ex and his or her lawyer. You’ll need to completely disclose all your financial information and avoid moving money around or hiding it. If you’re caught lying, you can lose custody of your children and even some of the assets that are in the process of being divided.

Keep the Children in Mind

It can be easy to neglect kids while getting a divorce because many people focus on their own pain and trauma, which can lead to issues that lengthen the process of getting a divorce. Children can also experience the same effects, which makes it necessary to keep them in mind with each decision that is made when you’re separating from your spouse. Their well-being should be the top priority when working out the details of the child custody arrangement or dividing assets. It’s also important to avoid complaining about your spouse, which can negatively affect your kids and how they view the other parent. Consider investing in a therapist for both you and your children to ensure you can heal and move on quickly.

Make Communication a Priority

Although your marriage may have deteriorated, it doesn’t mean that you can’t engage in proper communication with your former spouse. Working together to complete the divorce can help avoid tension and conflict. Your spouse will be more willing to negotiate if he or she already has been communicating with you. Reaching an agreement on some of the main aspects of the divorce can allow it to be finalized more quickly.

Contact the Law Office of Joanne Kleiner in Jenkintown at (215) 886-1266 to find out more about how you can get divorced quickly. With the help of a family attorney, you can learn more about your rights and have the assistance of a legal professional who can help you navigate the process.